I N S O M N I A

It is confirmed. I have it.

It's been three whole weeks. I can't sleep a wink at night. I am now officially an expert in counting sheep that play in the grass and float from fence to fence. I am also becoming a veteran in calculating how much time is left before I could get my most awaited dream guy—Sandman—to say: "Yes, you may now kiss your blankie and go to sleep." I am starting to worry that one of these days I will see the little creatures with scissors that Stephen King wrote about in his novel Insomnia. Just imagine! Ugh, the horrors! DX

I tried everything: milk; reading novels, long boring reading materials, amazing facts, research articles; memorizing brainy stuffs (which, retention depended largely if I'm interested in it or not); exercise; watching TV (from action, drama, comedy, crime, history, horror, biography to news, anime, documentation, beauty and make up tutorial, and etc.); listening to music (kind of tried different genres already); gaming (oh the adrenalin, such a wrong move hahahaha but this is my favorite of all I tried); having a relaxing bath; lighting a scented candle; tea for zzzs; I could go on forever but you get the point already (ーvvー). Oh wait, have I mentioned M I L K? O.O *rolls eyes*

Deductions/ Conclusions/ Stipulations: Medical/Hospital people (including my Mom) said it must be from anxiety and/or stress since it started a week before a very stressful, mind exhausting, body clock reversing week (which for me, after years of going through the same, became normal already). That, or I'm not trying hard enough to sleep (Oh please!)

Solutions and other tips: Sleeping pills are, in general, no-no for me as it might be dangerous for a little girl with other health issuesーehem, me, ehem. *more coughing here* Ack! D: I'm a hopeless case *insert Say Something as background music* OTL

Now, here comes the alternatives (and my rants along with it): 

(1) Avoid sleeping in the afternoon. 

RANT: Okay, as much as I would like to follow this suggestion, it would be the death of me. I kid, that's obviously an exaggeration. Unfortunately, as of now, I can only woo Sandman by eight or nine in the morning. I would then (finally!!!) sleep without interruption which continues up until, say, two in the afternoon?

I would then proceed with my everyday activities (my programmed 'life') and arrive home by nine-thirty to ten in the evening. I eat dinner and start the wooing battleーsometimes with new strategiesーwith Sandman. The cycle, a circle. I get dizzy but not drowsy.

(2) Trick your brain by making your bedroom a place for sleep and nothing but sleep.

RANT: Hah! Fat chance. I am living this boarding house/ apartment life for quite some time now in which I have to stuff most of my things in my bedroom. I have to make it a point that I leave my bedroom (oh my own little lair) less and only when necessary because I have to (always, alwaysーas they sayー) concentrate. The ultimate "no distractions allowed" environment/rule. So I study, dress up, craft, roll, think of evil ideas to rule the world and do many more peculiar and monstrous others (wait, what? /lol this is misleading! /slapsself) inside my little world. Good grief, I even stock food and water inside my room so I wouldn't have to go out if I need to eat and drink!  

(3) Keep your room dark.

RANT: It IS dark! Dracula would even love to keep me company and stay here all day. Mr. Sun doesn't have the nerve to step inside my room. Oh, but it is well ventilated, in case you are wondering. I can breathe and don't swim in my own sweat. I am also getting enough sunlight (hey, I do go out!). Actually, I'm inflicting more than enough damage to my already chocolate-y skin since I'm currently staying in the less shaded part of the city. Ugh the heat! But that's a different story to rant about. 

(4) You're not taking vitamins and drinking hot milk enough.

RANT: Oh c'mon! I tried those! Not working! I feel tortured from swallowing large vitamins and medications (small creature problems which I don't know if anyone else is experiencing). And boy, my skin is suffering from all the milk. Gah!

(5) Tire yourself. 

RANT: Trust me, I am always tired. I anticipate to savour every ounce of sleep (and food) I can get. My favorite things to do are sleeping, eating, playing games and reading (can I add stalking my crush as well? Oh yes, I'm creepy like that. Thank you for the compliment). Along with making my family  happy, I am contented if I get to do those things. I am blessed to be given plenty of things to enjoy as bonuses in life. But I still need my sleep :'( huuu.

People out there please help me! D: "Hashtag" desperate. Haha! I'll do whatever you want if your suggestion proved to be an effective cure for me, marriage includedーif you're a guy (goodluck bearing with the likes of me, though: cheeky, selfish, little-girl-structured and all-out crazy). Ah, I have already said too much than necessary. Well, then I'm off to see if Sandman would pity me.

Murder Plays House by Ayelet Waldman

"We all had eating disorders. It was only a question of degree."

—Murder Plays House by Ayelet Waldman

Book Title: Murder Plays House

Author: Ayelet Waldman

Page Count: 312 (Hardcover)

Synopsis:

With a new arrival on the way, the Applebaum household is bursting at the seams. And Juliet is balancing clue-chasing and diaper-changing with a new task: house-hunting...

Juliet loves her kids. She loves their dirty little faces and skinned knees. She loves the ridiculous and amazing things they say. But when three-and-a-half year old Isaac evicts her husband and her from their own bed one night, love is the last thing on her mind. Juliet now recognizes the need for a few changes... starting with a bigger house. And when the new baby arrives, they'll welcome the extra space. 

But if there's ever a bad time to search for a new house in L.A., it's now. In a buyer-unfriendly real estate market, one practically has to kill to find an affordable home. No wonder Juliet is prepared to over look a corpse on the grounds of her would-be dream house. to salve her conscience—and get her foot literally in the front door—she vows to find the killer of the homeowner's sister. The investigation leads her from the madness of house-hunting into a world of washed-up actors and canceled TV shows, a world more depraved than she could ever have imagined...

Thoughts:

Enter Juliet Applebaum, a mother in desperate need to find a house for her growing family. A murder is discovered in the house she fell in love with but she is determined to solve it in order to buy the house.

From the first chapter, I am already convinced that I'll be enjoying this book. And that has remained true as I read through—finishing one chapter after another. For every character introduced and every suspect cleared off the list, I only get more curious! And I certainly did not expect the results of the investigation when the identity of the killer was finally divulged. The book gives us a good glimpse about the cases of anorexia and bulimia. It also reminds ud to appreciate ourselves because we are all beautiful regardless the size of body we have. And that said, I shall not stop this feeling of craving for pastries and green tea goodies~ Off I go for now to buy some~ fufufu! Until the next book feature my bibliophile friends~ :'3

P.S. So in-love with Juliet and her husband Peter! >.< They're so sweet I am getting cavities. Guuu~ envy!! Enough to arrange a bloody manhunt for a husband like that. Heh~ :P

Special thanks to Ate MJ, owner of Instagram account @affordabooks_ph for this hardcover copy~ :">

The Pact by Jodi Picoult

“As he drifted off to sleep, still kneeling on the floor like a penitent, Chris heard God. He came on the sounds of footsteps, of key turns and disembodied whistles. And He murmured, stirring the fine hairs on the back of Chris’s neck: ‘Forgive, and you shall be forgiven.”

—The Pact  by Jodi Picoult

 

Book Title: The Pact

Author: Jodi Picoult

Synopsis: 

The Hartes and the Golds have lived next door to each other for eighteen years. They have shared everything from family picnics to chicken pox -- so it's no surprise that in high school Chris and Emily's friendship blossoms into something more. 

When the midnight calls come in from the hospital, no one is prepared: Emily is dead at seventeen from a gunshot wound to the head, inflicted by Chris as a part of an apparent suicide pact. He tells the police the next bullet was meant for himself. A local detective has her doubts. And the Hartes and Golds must face every parent's worst nightmare and question: do we ever really know our children at all?

Thoughts:

Out of all the sentences and paragraphs I wanted to quote--especially of Chris's--the one above stood out for me. It was something I didn't expect finding amidst all the hate, denial and doubts escalating as I flip through the pages. No one wants to take the blame. Humans, humans in distress! Choosing to point a finger at anyone but themselves. Starting to look for escape routes by coming up with suspicions against others. Accepting speculations and hasty judgements until these become something to believe in. And not wanting to entertain any other possibilities, the mind is forced shut. Even after finding other facts, the closed mind wouldn't budge anymore. Sadness becomes hate. And all that was left is what the book wants us to know: what really happened. Because despite all the efforts of the characters to settle for the opposite, we come to discover what those who were left behind--aching to solve the puzzle--failed to notice; refused to acknowledge; did not want to hear; tried to find; chose to ignore; and struggled to keep: The TRUTH.

For the first few chapters of thens and nows, I was thinking that it was going a bit slow. But then I started making guesses. Some of them proved to be correct. But that didn’t made me lose interest. There were plenty to take in as pages turn, larger pieces of the puzzle revealed and expected and unexpected events alike took place that I just can't put the book down midway! Although I had to pause from time to time and roll from one side of my bed to the other side letting out 'arghs', 'ughs', 'whaaaat!?!', 'whyyy!? D:' and other side comments or else my mind is gonna explode! GAAAAH~! Nevertheless, even while expecting the scenario, I was still disappointed with how the characters were acting (Me questioning “How can anyone be like this!?”, too affected from what is going on). I can get irritated at one character for doing or saying something that I would mentally pull him/her out of the book and torture the culprit myself. Yeah, I feel brutally attached to them. grawr

P.S. My heart ached a lot on Chris's 18th birthday. Because. That. Is. Simply. Cruel.