Diary by Chuck Palahniuk

“It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.”

—Diary by Chuck Palahniuk

Title: Diary

Author: Chuck Palahniuk

Page Count: 260

Synopsis:

Diary takes the form of a ‘coma diary’ kept by one Misty Wilmot as her husband lies senseless in hospital after a suicide attempt. Once she was an art student dreaming of creativity and freedom; now, after marrying Peter at art school and being brought back to once quaint, now tourist-overrun Waytansea Island, she’s been reduced to the condition of a resort hotel maid. Peter, it turns out, has been hiding rooms in houses he’s refurbished and scrawling vile messages all over the walls. Angry homeowners are suing, and Misty’s dreams of artistic greatness are in ashes. But then, as if possessed by the spirit of Maura Kincaid, a fabled Waytansea artist of the nineteenth century, Misty begins painting again, compulsively. The canvases are taken away by her mother-in-law and her doctor, who seem to have a plan for Misty—and for all those annoying tourists…

Thoughts:

Hiyaaa~ Apologies for not posting for two weeks!! I picked up my next book right after the last review but I’m still experiencing some days when I can’t bring myself to open a book and read. Please bear with me. The first half of this book actually took me a whiiiile to get through but I’m determined!٩( ￣^￣ｏ )و 

I saw the book in Booksale and recognized the author. I got it initially because I don’t have any of his books yet but I heard and read mixed reviews about them. Hey, I’m just your typical curious bibliophile. I couldn’t help myself! And then it just sat on my pile and I forgot I have it like the good old hoarder that I am. _(┐「ε:)_ Sorry!

At first, I found it hard to immerse into the book. The writing style definitely took some getting used to. I thought the main character has a unique sentence pattern and I had to re-read passages (especially in her first entry) to make sure I was reading it correctly. For example: “Today is the longest day of the year—but anymore, every day is.” I was convinced it was missing the word ‘not’ but when I read it again, it made sense. I just needed a double take. And then, Misty started using terms she learned from her art class days on facial muscles and skin. It was interesting so I had to stop every once in a while to search those up as I am the type to imagine the whole thing in my head as I read. I had to know what those terms were so that I could picture them or else I’ll have a hard time proceeding. *laughs*

The narrative is very unapologetic. It was written as if to address the husband, Peter, if he would ever wake up and recover from his coma. The entries contain curses, though. I mentioned before that I am personally okay with it so long as the character and/or story warrants them. But still, I want to be good so I’ll say: Only read if you are of age. ( ˘^˘ ) If you decide to read it anyway, don’t pick up words and actions, young one~! Regardless, the story is nice and the twist is reeeaally good. I’m amused~! There was so much to learn from a book with only less than three hundred pages. Especially if you are into art, I think you will enjoy and relate with this book. Besides art, anatomy and graphology lessons, the book has some good lines to reflect on as well (and I was tabbing like crazy again). Some of my favorites aside from the one I quoted above are: “Everything is nothing by itself.”, and ”...you can find fresh pain every time you discover what you pretty much already know.” I tabbed a whole lot more but I have to stop here or I’ll quote the whole book. Heh~v 

I breezed through the remaining third of the book when Misty started painting again. I got engrossed when everything was happening so fast near the end. I let it take me wherever—I just want to know what happens next! The connections from past entries keep on coming as they reveal one thing after another. Even after finishing the book, I still had gazillion questions and a curious mind leading to flipping back the pages just to see if there was anything I've missed.

I had to write this review the next day because when I finished the book, it was almost three in the morning and my brain could only produce a ‘Whoa, what did I just read’ O_O kind of reaction. Happy with my first Chuck Palahniuk read.

Inside the O'Briens by Lisa Genova

"The future, good or bad, is a fantasy. There is only this moment, right now."

—Inside the O'Briens by Lisa Genova

Title: Inside the O'Briens

Author: Lisa Genova

Page Count: 335 (Paperback)

Synopsis:

Joe O'Brien is a Boston cop whose stamina and methodical mind have seen him through decades policing the city streets. When he starts making uncharacteristic errors, he attributes them to stress until, finally, he agrees to see a doctor and is handed a terrifying diagnosis: Huntington's disease.

Not only is Joe's life changing beyond recognition, but each of his four grown children has a fifty-fifty chance of inheriting the disease. Observing her potential future play out in his escalating symptoms, his yoga teacher daughter Katie wrestles with how to make the most of the here and now, and connect with her dad who is, inside, always an O'Brien.

Thoughts:

I read the last two sentences from page 1 and I’m already questioning my decision of picking up the book. *laughs* Oh no, this would break me, I told myself. But hey, it’s my first book after I said I’ll give myself a chance again. It felt so good to pick up a book from my bought-but-might-never-read pile, actually finish it AND in only five (5) days instead of a month! I’m even more ecstatic I’m sitting here writing my thoughts on top of that. 

I got my copy from this year’s Big Bad Wolf Books. I grabbed it because I read two (2) other books by Lisa Genova—Still Alice and Left Neglected—before and I loooove Still Alice. I’m sure I liked Left Neglected too but I don’t remember much about it. I guess I have to re-read them?*shrugs* I’m still kicking myself for putting her other novel, Love Anthony, down because it wasn’t there anymore when I came back for it later. *cries*

Although I definitely prefer Still Alice, Inside the O’Briens is still a good read. As with her other works, Genova walks us through the lives of those affected by the illness/disease; the patient, the family, the friends. She introduces you to their reality and increases your awareness on the illness/disease particular in each book. For Inside the O’Briens, it is Huntington’s disease (HD). Frankly, before this book, I never heard of HD so it is a very educational read for me. I learned new words and terms relating to HD (aside from being a neuroscientist herself, Genova talked to field professionals to provide for an accurate and credible view of HD) and also Yoga poses. Genova actually enrolled herself in a Yoga Studio while writing this book and talked to people who contributed so much to the novel (people who are experiencing HD, their families, policemen and even baseball fans). I believe it is equally meaningful to read the acknowledgments and discussions to appreciate the efforts that make up the books we read. Which reminds me: you can make a donation to Huntington's research (and/or Alzheimer's and ALS research) in Lisa Genova's website under Readers In Action here.

There are a lot of lines that I think were nicely written. I laughed at Joe’s humour about Rosie’s cooking, the figurines that are displayed around their house, and even his simple description of a day’s weather. There was also the irony of how people react when they see a police officer versus other jobs and I thought: That’s true. We should be grateful to these officers more, people! *coughs* the good ones *coughs* And then there are those lines that just demand you to feel and I can’t help but read them twice (or more) over. Something that feels short for me, though, is the O’Brien Family has four (4) children but their lives and characters weren’t fully expounded. Since it was focused on Joe and Katie’s viewpoint, we didn't get to know more about the other members of the family. I think it’s important to also give the readers a view of the children’s minds for us to connect with them and the story more. Besides, Katie's viewpoint sometimes annoys and tires me. *peace* I find her indecisive rattles repetitive so Joe's narration was a breather and I liked it more.

Inside the O'Briens is the kind of book which you already know what’s coming and yet you dread them and desperately hope alongside the characters. Although I think some people might get bored because of the predictability and that’s understandable. The book got me teary-eyed but it is also full of positive things and hope at the same time—which is just.so.nice. *sheds tears* It gives you a warm feeling.

Warning about the F-word: there are a lot in this book. Personally, I’m okay with it. I read a lot of novels containing this kind of language and a lot of ‘em are worse than this. Usually the author includes these to capture or portray their characters more without needless long explanation on their personalities and backgrounds. However, I still like to put this out there because not everyone is comfortable with foul languages and also books are available to younger audience, too!  I like that Rosie tries to scold them every time, though.

Overall, I like it and I'm glad I read this book. But if you are new to Lisa Genova's novels, I would recommend Still Alice more. 

SPOILER ALERT! Only click if you have finished the book!

That.Ending.Thooooooo! Ugh~!!! It's so ironic how Katie is internally debating the entire time whether or not she wants to know if she has HD and when she finally decided she does...Boom! THAT'S IT! End of the book! Where's the result? OMG!~ I!Deserve!To!Know! *cries* And I understand not knowing about JJ's son because that's too far out in the future...but Patrick! Does he already have it? Is that why he was acting the way he was? Or he doesn't and we are only as paranoid as they were? We will never know, folks. 

My 'Reading Slump' Story + Other Nonsense

Ohai, everyone~! It’s story time. Grab a cup of tea or coffee and some snacks because this’ll be a looooong bumbum rant. XD Ready? :) 

Verbose story time coming through. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Years ago, I was someone who could fly through pages and finish at least a book or two in a day. More if I step away from the book only to eat, drink or go to the bathroom. Oftentimes, I would be reading different books simultaneously. I'll have one in my bag, a different one on my bedside, a digital copy, and at times, I will pick up another one to take home from the bookstore. Pretty sure I’m not alone in this. You guys can relate, right~?...Um, right??...Please tell me you can relate. (；ω；) I just have to have a book regardless the time or situation. Nowadays, I could hardly open one. Even if I do, I stop midway or less.  The rare instances when I do get through a book, took a week or an entire month to finish. Yep! So frustrating. My boyfrannn already calls me a Tsundoku (roughly means someone who buys a lot of books but doesn't read them) because I still buy books hoping I could get back to—or at least half of—how I used to read back then.

As I've mentioned in an earlier entry, it all began after I challenged myself to read at least a hundred books in a year. Whenever I finish a book, I would post a photo of its cover with a quote from it that I really liked on my old Facebook. I think I decided to move to Goodreads shortly after because I don't recall the photos in that album ever reaching 30. I was enthusiastic about Goodreads because the app allows me to record and track my reading progress, find new titles to read and rate and review them, among others. I recorded about 22 books in it. And then, book accounts in Instagram became a thing and I forgot all about goodreads... oops! ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶

Anyhooo~ it was going well...or so I thought. Let's now move on to the spiral of events that led to the downfall of my reading life—um, what? XD About halfway through the year, my phone containing the huge amount of ebooks I was planning to read got stolen. UGH! This really bummed me out because the app where all these were saved has stopped its operation and, hence, cannot be downloaded anymore. I usually turn to my phone when I don't have the physical copy of the book (saves money if you're not sure you'd like the book enough to buy your own copy) or for bedtime reads. I get most of my reading done from afternoon to dawn so I had no choice but to submit to technology when it's already late since I like my bedroom dark. I cannot hold a reading position for long and it's tiresome to clip and re-clip my booklight *coughs*LAZY!_(´~`」 ∠)*coughs*. Plus I'm worried about getting my book folded or wrinkled while tossing and turning on my bed. After that, I opted for books I already own physically. I covered fewer pages than when I still had the old phone, though. As the year progressed, I got more and more occupied with school stuff. I tried to at least finish 2-3 books a week so I can still meet my quota. Three books became two then one and then one in two weeks...you get the idea.

The event that ultimately put a halt to my reading adventures is my blasted sleeping pattern. Pretty sure I got to at least 60 books before I finally gave up on the challenge. This was maybe around September to early October at the most. It got too hard for me to read because there was no longer an in-between to my energy level. It's either 'my body is already screaming for sleep while my mind won't shut down' (or maybe it was the other way around—I don't know) or 'I have too much energy and I couldn't stay put'. There were days when it feels like you want to do a lot of things successively or all at once, too distracted to even read a decent amount of pages. And then there were times when you couldn't process a single word because they just swim in your friggin' head. My attention span became as short as probably a toddler's. I could be listening to you one minute then my mind would suddenly leap from one random idea to errands I don't even need to do at that moment. It sucks. I looked and felt dumb as I constantly have to ask people to repeat what was said. It drained me of my will to do anything other than sleep.

People are certainly tired of hearing that I will try and read again blah blah blah...I will read one to a few books then I stop for months. Same old routine yadda yadda yadda.. This blog is even one of my failed attempts to get back into reading. Since it was rare for me to find people who read the same books as I do, I set this up so I could write my thoughts instead—at least that was the plan. Because, honestly, all but one book entry here are my old posts  from different platforms that I managed to salvage. Part of me beats myself up for not writing about those books I've read during my 'slump'. It's bad enough I'm reading a looooooot less but I couldn't even commit the time to sit and document my thoughts about them here? Wow, me. What's the use of this anyway? I don't really know anymore.

I was pondering about what to do with 'the slump' yesterday (after doing nothing but sleep for about a day and a half) as I searched for titles I might want to read "hopefully" next year. And I thought: “NEXT YEAR!? Why not today? I mean, yooohooo meee~ ƪ(ಠ_ಠ)ʃ What difference does it make, right? RIGHT!” I'm always too hard on myself. So what if I don't finish it again? Or if I finish it and I couldn't write my thoughts about it? I just need to read. It's all that should matter. So I grabbed four books to choose from, got the heck out before I could even change my mind or get lazy, and walked to the coffee shop overlooking a bay just before sunset.

I opened a book again. And that alone was nice. (๑˘ᴗ˘ )

If you’re experiencing the same thing or even a wee bit similar (doesn’t even need to be limited to reading and books), don’t be too hard on yourself. One step at a time. Small ones count, too! One page at a time, or a paragraph—heck even a word! Appreciate your every progress. No matter how little it seems. Because one day? You’ll make it. 

Open your book today.

My View Overlooking the Bay

PS. I made another Goodreads account. *shrugs*
PPS. Please excuse my grammar and possible typos. I'm babbling the night away.

Tiger, Tiger: A Memoir by Margaux Fragoso

"I felt scared. Where exactly did he end and I begin."

—Tiger, Tiger: A Memoir by Margaux Fragoso

  

Title: Tiger, Tiger: A Memoir

Author: Margaux Fragoso

Page Count: 336 (Paperback)

Synopsis:

I still think about Peter, the man I loved most in the world, all the time.

At two in the afternoon, when he would come and pick me up and take me for rides; at five, when I would read to him, head on his chest; in the despair at seven p.m., when he would hold me and rub my belly for an hour; in the despair again at nine p.m. when we would go for a night ride, down to the Royal Cliffs Diner in Englewood Cliffs where I would buy a cup of coffee with precisely seven sugars and a lot of cream. We were friends, soul mates and lovers.

I was seven. He was fifty-one.

​

Thoughts:

First book from my Big Bad Wolf Books haul. I know, I know. It has been a while. I actually read this last month but can only publish a review now. Apologies. D’: Anyway, back to the review. I went to the memoirs section and saw this. The last two lines of the synopsis got me curious and I decided to get the book. 

First few pages in the prologue and you already know that you’re in for an emotional ride. I felt nostalgic as I read and was reminded of Alice Sebold’s narration of experiences in her own memoir, Lucky. When I first discovered that this book is about pedophilia, I was convinced that I would come to loathe Peter. I mean, how could he do that to a child, right? Surprisingly, as the story goes on, I get more and more confused with myself. I know what he did was not right, and I still believe so (please don’t get me wrong). But sometimes, Peter can be so manipulative that even I, a reader, get swayed. It’s scary if you think about it. If he can affect me simply through a narration, what more for little Margaux? There was also Peter’s back story that will give you a hint on the possible reason for his actions. Still, it’s hard to take in every time I read something I couldn’t imagine should be happening to a child. I had to pause and reflect for a while from time to time.

It is so easy for us to judge others. What they do, what they should have done, how they should act towards certain situations. I won’t pretend to be innocent, I also found myself questioning Margaux. Why did she permit all those things happen to her? Surely, she must have realized something was wrong. She even expressed her thoughts about it in the book. Couldn’t she have said no? But as I was questioning her, I asked myself: If I were in her place, could I really have done better? How sure am I that I could handle myself in her situation? No one was really there for her but Peter. I mean, yes, there was her father—who I found hard to sympathize with, mind—but he was too withdrawn. Her mother was ill and, even when she tries, limited on how and what she could help Margaux with. Other people surrounding them didn’t really help the situation for Margaux.

One thing I can say for sure, however, is that Margaux was brave to share so much about her life. Despite the certainty that she will be judged, she opened herself in this memoir. A lot of us can’t even own up to our choices especially when the outcome is not in our favor. But Margaux chose to do the opposite when she wrote this book. This is not just the pretty details and achievements; it includes the ugly, the imperfection and the truth of her life. The line I quoted above tells us that there were times when Margaux felt that she was losing her identity but I sincerely hope that with this, little Margaux is finally free.

P.S. I noticed that the writing style of the sentence pattern differs whenever it is her father that talks. I am not sure if it is related to him being Puerto Rican and a way to emphasize the same.

BIG BAD WOLF 2018 BOOK HAUL

SEND. HELP.

Hello, everyone! I am back!

So~ Big Bad Wolf Books in the Philippines!!!! AHHHH!!! Okay breathe, self. Breathe!!

The book fair started on the 16th of February and will end on the 25th. It is being held at the World Trade Center in Pasay City and is open 24hrs!!!! It was already ongoing when i heard about it D: I had to stop myself from rushing there. I went yesterday around one in the morning to avoid the crowd and long cashier lines. AHHHHHH~ It was heaven (~*w*)~

On my first night there (yes, yes, I went not once, but twice! Gahh!), I only managed to take home five books. I had to drop other books because I'm a poor soul huhuhuhuhuh ToT The first book I got was the Harry Potter Adult Coloring Book!!! hearts I was already happy enough I can get that and After Alice which I've been meaning to buy for a while now. I told myself I won't go back for fear of shedding more money.

But the next day.... YEP! I WENT BACK! And bought six more books! Talk about self-control. A friend of mine wanted to go back since I saw a book she really wanted. So I "tagged along" (yeah, right). Bummer it was already long gone. cries Ah~ but because of this haul I told myself to read a lot again and beat the slump! I've been suffering for more than a year now after I attempted to read 100 books in a year. I only read continuously for a few months but I managed to finish more than 60 books in less than a year. And then, I don't know why but, suddenly I couldn't bring myself to finish a book. Until I don't even flip the pages. I just buy them. It made me really sad. So here I am again having another go. Let's all have a good chat about books!

Did you went to the book fair as well? What did you buy? wink

P.S. I went back a third time and bought two more books which are not in this photo. The first one is a tea book (because I am very interested in teas) and the second one is a Coca-cola Cookbook which I would send as a present to a person that has a collection of coke stuff in their home.