"I felt scared. Where exactly did he end and I begin."
—Tiger, Tiger: A Memoir by Margaux Fragoso
Title: Tiger, Tiger: A Memoir
Author: Margaux Fragoso
Page Count: 336 (Paperback)
Page Count: 336 (Paperback)
Synopsis:
I still think about Peter, the man I loved most in the world, all the time.
At two in the afternoon, when he would come and pick me up and take me for rides; at five, when I would read to him, head on his chest; in the despair at seven p.m., when he would hold me and rub my belly for an hour; in the despair again at nine p.m. when we would go for a night ride, down to the Royal Cliffs Diner in Englewood Cliffs where I would buy a cup of coffee with precisely seven sugars and a lot of cream. We were friends, soul mates and lovers.
I was seven. He was fifty-one.
Thoughts:
First book from my Big Bad Wolf Books haul. I know, I know. It has been a while. I actually read this last month but can only publish a review now. Apologies. D’: Anyway, back to the review. I went to the memoirs section and saw this. The last two lines of the synopsis got me curious and I decided to get the book.
First few pages in the prologue and you already know that you’re in for an emotional ride. I felt nostalgic as I read and was reminded of Alice Sebold’s narration of experiences in her own memoir, Lucky. When I first discovered that this book is about pedophilia, I was convinced that I would come to loathe Peter. I mean, how could he do that to a child, right? Surprisingly, as the story goes on, I get more and more confused with myself. I know what he did was not right, and I still believe so (please don’t get me wrong). But sometimes, Peter can be so manipulative that even I, a reader, get swayed. It’s scary if you think about it. If he can affect me simply through a narration, what more for little Margaux? There was also Peter’s back story that will give you a hint on the possible reason for his actions. Still, it’s hard to take in every time I read something I couldn’t imagine should be happening to a child. I had to pause and reflect for a while from time to time.
It is so easy for us to judge others. What they do, what they should have done, how they should act towards certain situations. I won’t pretend to be innocent, I also found myself questioning Margaux. Why did she permit all those things happen to her? Surely, she must have realized something was wrong. She even expressed her thoughts about it in the book. Couldn’t she have said no? But as I was questioning her, I asked myself: If I were in her place, could I really have done better? How sure am I that I could handle myself in her situation? No one was really there for her but Peter. I mean, yes, there was her father—who I found hard to sympathize with, mind—but he was too withdrawn. Her mother was ill and, even when she tries, limited on how and what she could help Margaux with. Other people surrounding them didn’t really help the situation for Margaux.
One thing I can say for sure, however, is that Margaux was brave to share so much about her life. Despite the certainty that she will be judged, she opened herself in this memoir. A lot of us can’t even own up to our choices especially when the outcome is not in our favor. But Margaux chose to do the opposite when she wrote this book. This is not just the pretty details and achievements; it includes the ugly, the imperfection and the truth of her life. The line I quoted above tells us that there were times when Margaux felt that she was losing her identity but I sincerely hope that with this, little Margaux is finally free.
P.S. I noticed that the writing style of the sentence pattern differs whenever it is her father that talks. I am not sure if it is related to him being Puerto Rican and a way to emphasize the same.
